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Because I can't get enough of the TARDIS-jockey

leya on IRC #crfh has been filling me in on bits of the Doctor Who mythos, and pointed me at the UNIT website. Unfortunately, even with the password you're not allowed to shoot conventional missiles at Downing Street 10. There are things that even the BBC won't do. (Oh, wait. It's case sensitive. Never mind.)
Via the Keenspace forums comes another link to UNIT, and one to Mickey the idiot's website.


I've met the Slitheen. They're not nice. And I know that the Doctor, this God of Outer Mystery, walked in, and saved the world. There was death. There always is around him. But this time, I'm starting to think that he really meant well.

I just wish I still didn't suspect he'd brought it all to earth. Somehow.

What I like most about this one is that it suggests some behind-the-scenes continuity: Mickey, or was it Ricky, has clearly joined forces with the family of the conspiracy nut from "Rose", episode 1, and is using his photographic materials.

Finally, via reader Awake98, CBBC's Blue Peter has build-your-own-Dalek instructions for kids. It's nifty, but uses phrases like "Get an adult to ..." three times in the instructions. If you're going to rely on adult help, you might as well go the whole way and google for "Build your own Dalek".
Two obvious improvements to the CBBC model suggest themselves immediately, anyway. The "Dalek" is hollow, which is good, because I've learned that a Dalek isn't a robot as I used to think, but a vehicle and life support for the Dalek proper, a mutant which lives inside the pepper pot shell. So to make them better, use the following:

Voice distorter
You may get electronics from a music store to pitch your voice up and distort the sound waves, but why not use a simple balloon? Fill the balloon with ground habanero chillis, then get an adult to pump it full of helium. Hold it by the nub while sitting inside your Dalek, take a breath from the balloon before screaming "EXTERMINATE!" Eventually your voice will be permanently buggered up so you won't need the balloon anymore. Cigarette smoke will do that too but I can't legally recommend that to minors.

Mutagen
Eventually, some of you will want to be Daleks. Don't believe me? There are people out there who want to be vampires and werewolves, claiming that those beings aren't evil, just misunderstood. It's the same with Daleks. They were the peaceful, advanced race that were driven into their new lifestyle by persecution from savages. What didn't kill them merely made them stronger until by Darwinian evolution through mutation and natural selection, they became the highly advanced, perfect life form they are now. It's not their fault that that meddlesome Doctor didn't see it that way.
Surely there will be some people who sympathise with that point of view, or maybe harbour a secret wish to exterminate all non-Dalek lifeforms. And some of them will be young and lonely, dreaming of a better life. Eventually, these kids will outgrow the Blue Peter Dalek, but they can get a good start for the day they're old enough to build a better one by taking a radiation source into their toy vehicle to help them mutate.
So, if you're one of those kids, get an adult to oh, bugger it, might as well do it yourself. Procure a lump of radium from the former Eastern Bloc, take it with you into your Blue Peter-endorsed Dalek and play!

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on April 28, 2005 11:59 AM.

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