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...and it all comes crashing down

On Tuesday, the day after I posted All in all, fortune smiles, I spent the day outside at the lake, then rode my bike home to fetch a couple of Hello You!s to show to my workshop students, rode to the school, lost my sense of where I was and where I was going, spent the actual workshop sweating buckets and generally crashed and burned. Heat stroke exhaustion, I guess. Since then, I've been struggling to write the first-in-series Gang of 4 episodes, and those two things together, which may or may not be causally related to one another, have taken me off my high of the week before that. Things that didn't bother me last Monday, such as the pain in my foot and the realisation that decisions I made when I thought I was going to draw that book contribution in a hurry would come back to haunt me now that the deadline had been extended, are now pushing me into a state of depression and worry.
Objectively, I'm not worse off than I was before. I'm a little behind schedule with the Gang of 4 scripting, but I have written 3 viable scripts whose main flaw is that they aren't the first one. I have identified a flaw in the series concept that is making the writing more difficult (the ensemble cast is making it hard for me to develop characters properly) and have contacted my editors about last-minute tweaks to the series concept and title. Yes, my foot hurts but I've had worse injuries. Yes, correcting errors is a drag, but hey, I've got time? Yes, I need to hand in tax stuff or ask for another extention. I can do one or the other, surely?

Five days ago none of this would have bothered me. Now it does. I'm going on a trip tomorrow and a nagging voice is telling me that I mustn't, that I must stay put and slog until the backlog is cleared. I know that won't work. I know that time away from the studio will make me feel better and fresher come Monday. But depression has a way of perpetuating itself.

God, I miss running. That was the one thing I could always rely on to break the cycle. Maybe I should just bite the bullet on Monday and train inspite of the injury, even if it's only with the beginners.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on June 16, 2006 6:24 PM.

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